MTGO Heroes: Kroma

The best (or worst) part about Kroma he/she mentions playing Magic for about 17 years, which means Kroma is at least 22 years old. I’d wager the actual age is a lot higher than that.  Bear that in mind while reading the following transcript.

1:59 PM Kroma: u really want to push me?
1:59 PM Kroma: ill make u feel like a fool
1:59 PM Kroma: think it through
1:59 PM Me: do you feel pushed? Haha
1:59 PM Kroma: im likely so very much better than u
1:59 PM Me: oh no problem, give me your best shot :)
1:59 PM Kroma: 99$ chance
1:59 PM Kroma: %
1:59 PM Kroma: whats the best land bro?
1:59 PM Kroma: whats the best discard spell
1:59 PM Kroma: whats the best counter
2:00 PM Kroma: whats the best land destruct
2:00 PM Kroma: tell me something
2:00 PM Kroma: show mw how good u are
2:00 PM Kroma: waiting....
2:00 PM Me: these are all pointless questions. most of them depend on the deck and format
2:00 PM Kroma: no they aren’t
2:00 PM Kroma: the expose that u suck
2:00 PM Kroma: i warned u
2:00 PM Me: lol
2:00 PM Kroma: u cant discuss magic on my level
2:00 PM Me: stop being a kid
2:00 PM Me: seriously
2:00 PM Kroma: i know because u think delver is good
2:01 PM Kroma: i simply rape noob blue mages daily
2:01 PM Kroma: that think mana leak is good
2:01 PM Me: in tournaments?
2:01 PM Kroma: with CSAUAL decks
2:01 PM Kroma: that is
2:01 PM Kroma: i have a mono blue deck that has no counters
2:01 PM Me: i've played you before man, and you didn't do so hot to be honest haha
2:02 PM Kroma: and its better than most every blue deck i have ever seen
2:02 PM Me: i've also built rogue decks for tourney practice and have won
2:02 PM Kroma: in 17 years
2:02 PM Me: really now
2:02 PM Kroma: it storms all matter of scary stuff
2:02 PM Kroma: and would just rape a noob like u when its at its best
2:02 PM Kroma: u coudnt stop it
2:02 PM Kroma: zero chance
2:03 PM Kroma: i told u bro
2:03 PM Me: so please tell me
2:03 PM Kroma: sont push me
2:03 PM Me: haha
2:03 PM Me: hang on
2:03 PM Kroma: i eat u noobs for breakfast
2:03 PM Me: your e-peen is getting in the way
2:03 PM Kroma: no dude
2:03 PM Me: of the conversation
2:03 PM Kroma: yours is
2:03 PM Me: just calm down
2:03 PM Me: and listen to yourself
2:03 PM Kroma: you are the one who "thinks" you are good and know magic
2:03 PM Kroma: when i am the one that knows i am
2:03 PM Me: you will look back on yourself now in 20 years and regret
2:04 PM Kroma: no dude
2:04 PM Kroma: zero chance of that
2:04 PM Kroma: im sick and tired of you poser noob wannaves
2:04 PM Me: i can't tell
2:04 PM Me: if you're joking or not
2:04 PM Me: that's how bad
2:04 PM Me: this is
2:04 PM Me: haha
2:04 PM Kroma: i was sinning tourns here like 10 years ago
2:04 PM Kroma: can u say that?
2:04 PM Kroma: winning
2:04 PM Me: here?
2:04 PM Me: on mtgo?
2:04 PM Kroma: ya dude
2:04 PM Me: 10 years ago
2:04 PM Kroma: or 9
2:04 PM Kroma: something like that
2:04 PM Kroma: im that good
2:05 PM Me: 9 years ago
2:05 PM Kroma: i was innovating 5 color storm BACK THEN
2:05 PM Kroma: i am so very much better than u
2:05 PM Kroma: u cant hole a cansle to my knowledge
2:05 PM Kroma: ur lucky im drunk noob
2:05 PM Me: no, i'm actually not lol
2:05 PM Kroma: or i would be typing this like 2x as fast with no errors
2:05 PM Me: because if you weren't drunk you probably wouldn't be acting like an idiot
2:05 PM Kroma: and owning u ever more
2:06 PM Me: and i wouldn't have to deal with
2:06 PM Me: this nonsense
2:06 PM Kroma: u cant deal wiht this
2:06 PM Kroma: no chance
2:06 PM Kroma: u proved that already
2:06 PM Kroma: u can discuss magic on my level
2:06 PM Kroma: ever prob
2:06 PM Kroma: keep thinking delvers are good and that the meta is the end-all of magic
2:06 PM Me: seriously, how old are you
2:06 PM Kroma: u moron
2:06 PM Kroma: you know why Chapin is good?
2:07 PM Kroma: tell me
2:07 PM Kroma: he never won worlds
2:07 PM Me: what the hell kind of question is that lol. are you chapin?
2:07 PM Kroma: no
2:07 PM Kroma: im not
2:07 PM Kroma: why is he good
2:07 PM Me: then why bring him up?
2:07 PM Kroma: tell me
2:07 PM Kroma: because im making a point
2:07 PM Kroma: hes good because he innovated
2:07 PM Kroma: magic
2:07 PM Kroma: i do too
2:07 PM Kroma: im like that
2:07 PM Kroma: u are avopycat noob
2:07 PM Me: alright
2:07 PM Kroma: copycat
2:07 PM Me: i remember your
2:08 PM Kroma: i make decks
2:08 PM Me: increasing vengeance
2:08 PM Kroma: u copy
2:08 PM Me: nonsense
2:08 PM Kroma: guys like me
2:08 PM Kroma: who make them
2:08 PM Me: oh nah
2:08 PM Me: i actually make my own decks
2:08 PM Me: haha
2:08 PM Kroma: i mix up the meta
2:08 PM Kroma: u make it stale with your noob small mind
2:08 PM Me: hm
2:08 PM Me: alright you're starting to make
2:08 PM Kroma: i would crush u so very badly in a tourn
2:08 PM Me: less and less sense
2:08 PM Kroma: noob
2:08 PM Me: by the moment
2:08 PM Me: you should
2:08 PM Me: drink some water and
2:08 PM Kroma: how does oath work?
2:08 PM Me: get some rest
2:08 PM Kroma: tell me
2:09 PM Me: orchard tokens and blightsteel
2:09 PM Kroma: whats the best land
2:09 PM Me: depends on the deck and format lol
2:09 PM Kroma: whats the best 1 drop creatures
2:09 PM Me: again, depends on the deck and the format
2:09 PM Kroma: if u were here earlier i even told u
2:09 PM Kroma: no dude
2:09 PM Me: oh you said something like
2:09 PM Kroma: classic=magic
2:09 PM Kroma: only noobs limit their mind to STD
2:10 PM Me: welder or wayfarer, the former is limited to like 2 decks and the latter is just a joke answer lol
2:10 PM Kroma: is that u?
2:10 PM Me: hm, so you're saying
2:10 PM Kroma: well ur not totally hopless at least
2:10 PM Me: the world's best players are noobs
2:10 PM Me: well i can see
2:10 PM Kroma: he wasnt lol
2:10 PM Kroma: he was good
2:10 PM Me: why you'd think that because
2:10 PM Kroma: een if he sas "new"
2:10 PM Me: you're a drunk fool haha
2:11 PM Kroma: im one of the best magic deckbuilders prob on the planet
2:11 PM Me: but yeah, wayfarer hasn't been relevant in non-casual magic for years
2:11 PM Me: what are you going to pull with it
2:11 PM Kroma: u are a small fly annoying me now
2:11 PM Kroma: with your small mind
2:11 PM Kroma: i have made decks u cant imagine
2:12 PM Kroma: i could make u discard your hand turn 0 for u
2:12 PM Kroma: i could lock u out 100% turn 1
2:12 PM Kroma: other ways
2:12 PM Kroma: dont even try andf act like u know as much as me
2:12 PM Kroma: little scrub
2:12 PM Kroma: i have been playing magic for like 17 years

This continued for awhile along the same lines. I’ve cut out a lot of it to avoid redundancy.

2:17 PM Kroma: i dont even like discard
2:17 PM Kroma: i wouldnt play that
2:17 PM Kroma: but i knolw how
2:17 PM Kroma: i know how to storm about anything
2:17 PM Kroma: and i know that it has massive potential [referring to Increasing Vengeance]
2:17 PM Me: can figure out
2:17 PM Me: lol
2:17 PM Me: how does
2:17 PM Me: that make you
2:17 PM Kroma: untapped potential
2:17 PM Me: special
2:17 PM Kroma: u keep talking about me
2:18 PM Kroma: what happend to magic?
2:18 PM Kroma: did i lose u?
2:18 PM Kroma: sry
2:18 PM Me: oh no man, haha this was never about magic
2:18 PM Me: it was about
2:18 PM Me: the entertainment
2:18 PM Me: at hand
2:18 PM Kroma: ya thats right u are just a hater
2:18 PM Me: aka you
2:18 PM Me: lol
2:18 PM Me: no man
2:18 PM Me: keep going
2:18 PM Kroma: u cant hope to be the player i am let along deck builder
2:18 PM Me: i am thoroughly enjoying
2:18 PM Me: our conversation
2:18 PM Kroma: this will resonate with u
2:19 PM Kroma: even if u act liek it wont
2:19 PM Kroma: u know inside that i am right
2:19 PM Me: heh
2:19 PM Kroma: its ok
2:19 PM Me: kroma, when you wake up
2:19 PM Kroma: i see u guys all day
2:19 PM Me: tomorrow
2:19 PM Me: you're not going to
2:19 PM Me: remember this
2:19 PM Me: conversation
2:19 PM Me: but
2:19 PM Kroma: noob wannabe tough guys
2:19 PM Me: if you do
2:19 PM Me: you will regret it
2:19 PM Me: haha
2:19 PM Me: i guarantee it
2:19 PM Me: and if you don't, there's something wrong with your head
2:20 PM Kroma: u have no idea how tired of you noobs I am
2:20 PM Me: but i will paste it back to you
2:20 PM Kroma: all day with your way off ideas
2:20 PM Me: next time i see you online
2:20 PM Me: just so
2:20 PM Kroma: and stupid insights
2:20 PM Kroma: u are so sad lol
2:20 PM Kroma: but yet u think u are good
2:20 PM Kroma: ironic
2:20 PM Kroma: delver is good lol
2:20 PM Kroma: as if
2:20 PM Kroma: total noob view

Another redundancy cut.

2:27 PM Kroma: its just bad lol
2:27 PM Kroma: and so are u
2:27 PM Kroma: u are a flavor of the month douchebag
2:27 PM Kroma: and i have seen your type many times before
2:27 PM Kroma: think that someone wlse has it all figured out
2:27 PM Kroma: else
2:28 PM Kroma: aand copy them
2:28 PM Kroma: how about know theat they dont and prove them wrong?
2:28 PM Kroma: by making new deck
2:28 PM Kroma: thats what good players do
2:28 PM Kroma: like me and Chapin
2:28 PM Kroma: i make magic metas u simply live in them
2:28 PM Kroma: noob
2:29 PM Kroma: i warned u
2:29 PM Kroma: little punk
2:29 PM Me: go to bed lol
2:29 PM Kroma: remember that
2:29 PM Me: you need the rest
2:29 PM Kroma is not available to chat with you.

As promised, I pasted this transcript to Kroma later on under a different name, but was immediately blocked.

MTGO Heroes: Slagheap

Slagheap is an old favorite. He won't play against any black decks, and is notorious for lying about his nonexistent game descriptions.

8:18 PM STANLEY_IPKISS keeps this hand.
8:18 PM slagheap keeps this hand.
8:18 PM STANLEY_IPKISS skips their draw step.
8:18 PM STANLEY_IPKISS plays Bojuka Bog.
8:18 PM slagheap has conceded from the game.
8:18 PM No legal targets to choose for Bojuka Bog's triggered ability.

8:19 PM Turn 2: EnlightenedDeath.
8:19 PM EnlightenedDeath plays Forest.
8:19 PM EnlightenedDeath casts Wellwisher.
8:19 PM slagheap:  sorry you joined wrong table
8:19 PM slagheap:  thisisn't tribal format
8:19 PM EnlightenedDeath:  you are not posting these things
8:19 PM slagheap:  no
8:19 PM slagheap:  yhou are playing tribal format
8:19 PM slagheap:  this isn't that format
8:19 PM slagheap:  you joined wrrong table
8:19 PM EnlightenedDeath:  i know but it also plays under classic rules also
8:19 PM slagheap:  you wnat tribal format
8:19 PM slagheap:  yep and if platying tribal in other formats your menat to strat your own table
8:19 PM slagheap:  you didn't do that
8:19 PM EnlightenedDeath:  i want classic format and people not to complain
8:19 PM slagheap:  so you joined wrong table as this isn't tribal format
8:19 PM slagheap:  thats start a classic format table for your tribal deck
8:19 PM EnlightenedDeath has conceded from the game.

8:20 PM Turn 1: gabberhavok.
8:20 PM gabberhavok plays Swamp.
8:20 PM slagheap has conceded from the game.

8:21 PM Turn 1: LouN.
8:21 PM LouN plays Island.
8:21 PM LouN casts Voltaic Key.
8:21 PM LouN casts Mox Opal.
8:21 PM LouN casts Ornithopter.
8:21 PM slagheap:  sorry asked for slow decks [No game description was posted]
8:21 PM slagheap:  0 cost craetures aren't slow
8:21 PM slagheap:  havea good day
8:21 PM LouN:  oh, didnt see that, i can switch if you want
8:21 PM slagheap:  bye
8:21 PM LouN has conceded from the game.

8:36 PM NO_Life casts Sol Ring.
8:36 PM slagheap:  this was posted for no artifacts [No game description was posted]
8:36 PM NO_Life:  oh sorry
8:36 PM slagheap:  ca't use sol ring in this game
8:36 PM NO_Life:  i didnt read
8:36 PM NO_Life:  umm
8:36 PM NO_Life:  may i use that 1 green mana from it then?
8:36 PM slagheap:  k
8:37 PM NO_Life:  this game wont work if i cant use artifacts lol
8:37 PM slagheap casts Fertile Ground targeting Selesnya Sanctuary.
8:37 PM Turn 4: NO_Life.
8:37 PM NO_Life casts Impulse.
8:37 PM NO_Life:  ya...
8:37 PM NO_Life:  this a a artifact based deck my friend
8:37 PM NO_Life:  so... b/c i cant read may i concede to you?
8:37 PM slagheap:  bye

MTGO Heroes: Willythenilly

These are all consecutive games. Well, if you can call them games. Edits for clarification in square brackets, but otherwise these are verbatim reports.

11:48 PM Willythenilly:  blocked for using the most hqated commander in the game
11:48 PM Willythenilly:  i just want you to know you're a sad human being for needing to usde uril for fiun

11:53 PM Willythenilly:  blocked for monoblue deck

11:53 PM JWTucker chooses Sliver Overlord as their commander.
11:53 PM Willythenilly chooses to play first.
11:53 PM Willythenilly has conceded from the game.

11:55 PM dogaces chooses Teneb, the Harvester as their commander.
11:55 PM Willythenilly chooses to play first.
11:55 PM Willythenilly keeps this hand.
11:55 PM dogaces mulligans to 6 cards.
11:55 PM Willythenilly has conceded from the game.

12:01 AM Turn 1: MadOlaf.
12:01 AM MadOlaf plays Snow-Covered Swamp.
12:01 AM MadOlaf casts Pulse Tracker.
12:01 AM Willythenilly has conceded from the game.

12:04 AM Gentlemanic chooses Malfegor as their commander.
12:04 AM Willythenilly chooses to play first.
12:04 AM Willythenilly has conceded from the game.

12:07 AM __ProPheT__ chooses Azami, Lady of Scrolls as their commander.
12:07 AM __ProPheT__ chooses to play first.
12:07 AM __ProPheT__ keeps this hand.
12:07 AM Willythenilly:  blocked
12:07 AM __ProPheT__:  ?
12:07 AM __ProPheT__:  what did i do?
12:07 AM Willythenilly:  YOU HAVE THE NUMBER ONE MSOT HATED COMMANDER IN THE GAME
12:07 AM __ProPheT__:  do i ? i have no idea i literally just started this format today
12:07 AM Willythenilly:  AZAMIO IS THE MOST BROKEN COMMANDER IN THE GAME

12:09 AM Willythenilly chooses Rubinia Soulsinger as their commander.
12:09 AM Alturiak chooses Animar, Soul of Elements as their commander.
12:09 AM Alturiak chooses to play first.
12:09 AM Willythenilly has conceded from the game.

12:09 AM Willythenilly chooses Rubinia Soulsinger as their commander.
12:09 AM Seatown chooses Kagemaro, First to Suffer as their commander.
12:09 AM Willythenilly chooses to play first.
12:09 AM Willythenilly has conceded from the game.

12:14 AM elderurza85 casts Dissipate targeting Mirari's Wake.
12:14 AM Willythenilly:  blocked
12:14 AM elderurza85:  i see
12:14 AM Willythenilly:  it's bad enough you're playing an op commander [Sharuum the Hegemon]
12:14 AM Willythenilly:  you should hat least have the deceny not to run a bunch ofr counters
12:14 AM Willythenilly:  i pity your family for having to live with you

12:20 AM OkentheBard casts Helm of Possession.
12:20 AM Willythenilly has conceded from the game. [Note that Willy’s own commander is Rubinia Soulsinger, a creature that steals other creatures.]

12:40 AM Turn 7: CovenantHunter6.
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6 plays Swamp.
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6 casts Septic Rats.
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  blocked for infect
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6:  Huh?
12:40 AM Elspeth, Knight-Errant is being attacked by: Vorosh, the Hunter
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  blocked for infect
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  do you not unederstand that?
12:40 AM Willythenilly casts Condemn targeting Vorosh, the Hunter.
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6:  No I don't lol, do you mean Infect doesn't work on you?
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  no, i mean i'm blocking you for using infect in a commander game
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6:  Okay...
12:40 AM Turn 8: Willythenilly.
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  DO YOU KNOW WHAT INFECT DOES?
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6 casts Pestermite.
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  INFECT QARTERS THE GAME
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6:  Okay, calm down.
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6 puts triggered ability from Pestermite onto the stack targeting Rubinia Soulsinger ( When Pestermite enters the battlefield, you may tap or untap target permanent.).
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  YOU KNOW WHAT IT DOES
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  AND YOU STILL USE IT
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6:  I have a few Infect creatures, calm down
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6 taps Rubinia Soulsinger.
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  infect breaks the game
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  do you not get that?
12:40 AM Willythenilly activates ability of Elspeth, Knight-Errant (Put a 1/1 white Soldier token onto the battlefield).
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6:  It doesn't at all lol
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  hurhurhur
12:40 AM Willythenilly:  do you think a game beign won in ten damave over 21 or 40 doesnt break the game?
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6:  You know what, you have fun being ignorant and go ahead and block me, I'm gonna go play with someone else.
12:40 AM CovenantHunter6 has conceded from the game.

12:43 AM Mezlok chooses Balthor the Defiled as their commander.
12:43 AM Mezlok chooses to play first.
12:43 AM Mezlok keeps this hand.
12:43 AM Willythenilly:  blocked
12:43 AM Willythenilly has conceded from the game.

Bonus Track

12:47 AM DJElkind casts Damia, Sage of Stone.
12:48 AM DJElkind:  wait
12:48 AM DJElkind:  derp
12:48 AM DJElkind has conceded from the game.